Urrggg!

I have been having a pretty good couple weeks, until the last couple days. I've been feeling so alone even when I'm with a crowd of people. Its like no one wants anything to do with me or something. It totally sucks and though I know I have a great future in front of me but I want to enjoy my life now and not worry about the future! I want to be worried about boys & what clothes I'm gonna wear not what I want to do in life....I'm 14! I mean, there is no problem with thinking ahead but I should have other things to do than that. I don't to say that I'm "depressed" but I'm sure not too happy at the moment.I feel like when I go to write out my feelings they aren't conveyed as I would want them to be.

I'm just tired of all the drama & I just want to work on my career in Music. Its been a dream for awhile to get my music out there & I know that 1% of people who say that actually get to live their dream but I rather try & fail-which would be hard-rather than never trying and wondering what wold have happened. I love singing & writing so being able to do both would be a blessing that I could never ask for! I still haven't told my parents about my dream. They know that music is a HUGE part of my life but they don't know that I want to pursue a career.

I think I may know the problem. I've always felt like I'm older mentally then I am physically. I'm 14 years old but I feel like I'm 19 or 20 perhaps older. I don't want to deal with the normal teenage drama, if I'm gonna have to deal with drama I want REAL drama where I really have to think about what to do. I want a real life where I can enjoy people who challenge my way of life and thinking.

I hate, if thats the right word, the way that some friends act. It is dumb and foolish, I hate to watch them do that because I love them so much but how must I take a care of them & I at the same time. I love my friends & I would do it no matter what, if they needed me I would be there in a jiffy! They are what I focus on for now to keep myself from going crazy even though that is what is making me go crazy!

Anyway, I must bid farewell for now before I drift to sleep. Good Night :)