"Brooke is not who she was but isn't who she is going to be...I still got a lot of hard lessons to learn, a lot of spills I'm gonna have to take & a broken heart or two along the journey"

That was my status tonight. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried my eyes out before God. It wasn't that I had held back from him, it was just that there really wasn't anything that had been stirred up yet. I was thinking about my childhood and all of my amazing memories. I had some great friends back then! I know that I not done growing but I know that I felt like I have grown up so much in the 14 years that I've been on earth. Yes, there are somethings I wish that I could take back but any one thing that didn't happen would have changed where I'm at today. I'm really happy about where I am! I feel like I finally caught up with God and am where he wants me to be. I was tired of walking in the shadows so I'm finally walking straight into the light.

I think its funny how people are like, "Stay away from the Light!" even though in most cases "light" is a good thing. God is a light that guides us. The sun shines light to heat the earth and let us see. Light is a good thing!! I personally love light even though I'm kinda a night owl...I guess thats why I always say, "Whoot Whoot!" haha

I've been re-reading the series that I got when I was around 11. When I read it back then I got that it was a series about this girl growing up and learning about life. Now that I'm reading it and I'm around the same age as the character I think its amazing how different I analyze the book. I understand all the confusion she is going through! I used to think that everything was clean-cut, she belonged with him so they should have just been together. Now, I see that all the struggles along the way have made the relationship what is it. God was in the middle of it the whole time which is why it worked so well! I think thats why so many people today, in my generation, have failing relationships, they don't have God in it. Once the original fun is over nothing is left.

In the book Christy & Todd are the couple that belong together but have to face everything before they will actually admit they are in love. Their relationship is so pure that its almost weird but yet you learn to admire them so much. They show their affection but it isn't by kissing a lot or showing PDA like most couples. They hold hands, walk in silence, yet, they both know what the other is feeling & thinking. They truly got to know each other, they didn't let the physical aspect didn't get in the way. They knew where they drew the line. Re-reading these books have really made me feel more comfortable in what I'm about to pursue because I know its not totally crazy. It may seem like extreme purity to some people but other will see the way I do.

I want to wait to not only not have sex till marriage but refrain from having my 1st kiss until my wedding day. I know its crazy but when I think about how special of a gift that would be to my future husband it gives me all the motivation I need. I would be able to share our special moment with everyone that is closest to us. Another way of seeing it, if a guy isn't willing to respect my standards then he is not worth it. I want the purist relationship possible, I want it to honor God in all ways so if he won't listen to just a few of my boundaries then he might as well save his breath and walk right back out the door he came in.

I went from childhood memories to what I want in my relationships but I don't care. I'm random and thats me! If you got a problem with than take it up with God. He made me in all that stuff. Thank You for whoever is reading this and listens to all of my random thoughts. My blog is kinda like my online diary (I almost wrote dairy!) but again Thank You :)